Further distracting myself

Every week I feel like I will have an easier load.

Every week I am very much wrong.

This is how I feel about writing a paper in 6 hours, doing a drawing for 6 hours that isn't done, 2 exhibition reviews, and an abstract rib cage out of wood that is also not done yet:

Decisions, decisions

Is it worth taking a nap only to have to wake up in 3 hours and act as a productive member of society?

The harder I try to not care about anything, the more little things bug me.  Funny how that works.

This is my next drawing for class haha

I'm a miserable mess/shell of a person.

I miss the warmth of the summerrrrr

Thursday was awesome.

Friday was pretty damn good too.

I knew two good days/moods in a row were way too good to be true.

Saturday was instantly fucked when my car slid into a huge parking block and took off the bottom half of my bumper.  Which is very disappointing because it was a potentially good day with a few good things planned.  The car thing just really put a damper on things.  And then random, insignificant things just kept bringing me lower and lower.

Still not recovered.  

I made another collage for school that I don't mind.

Shall we try this again?If I remember correctly, it's been over a month since I've last posted in there.  I don't really know why.  I seem to have time to waste away on the internet but not time to do my homework, or clean my room, or look for another job, or any of the things that I actually should be doing.  What is the comfort we find on here?  I feel as though it's the complete opposite.  I sit on here for hours staring at useless human beings.  I see all these stupid girls with their fake tans and their trendy clothes and trendy friends and just wonder if people actually like them.  As bad as I sometimes feel about judging people like that I know that someone out there is doing the same thing to me.  Human nature is kind of fucked up, isn't it?

Anyways, I really can't seem to find a way to get out of my head.  I need a tangible journal so I can just let it out without anyone ever seeing it.  But then again, I think some satisfaction in letting it all out is that someone has read it and knows 

what you think.

I also haven't taken pictures in a really long time.  Ones that I actually want to take.  I never carry my camera around or anything.  I don't know what's wrong with me.  I'm in fucking school for this and I just won't do it.  I hate taking pictures with anyone around.  I feel like I'm being so judged for it.  

Maybe I'm just sick of being judged and questioned about everything I do and say.

I just want to live alone with my furniture next year.  

Yesterday I wasted a lot of time going through pictures and remembering fun times.  Here's to that: