My head and my heart are in constant battle. I just don't even know which to turn to. It's so cliche, but there's no other way to put it.

I feel like a fucking pathetic, loser, idiot that I have to come on here to just a get a few words out.

I'm just going to make a list to make it easier on everyone.

Bad gf who doesn't like talking to her long distance bf on the phone or video chat, at least?

Bad "best" friend who just plain sucks and let the friendship go to shit.

Bad daughter who hates her own family apparently.

Bad student who is too worn out to try anymore.

Who even knows what else I'm shitty at, but that seems like a pretty good start. Can't wait for the long weekend of relaxation. What is that anyway?

Giving up is so much easier
But trying would be so much more worth it.
Hope I can handle this.

Don't look back, you can never look back

Wouldn't it be great to live with no regrets. Some people can do it, but I am absolutely not one of them. I regret more than I even do. Sometimes I'm even ashamed of my thoughts.
I regret and feel guilty for things that 90% of the time I should not feel that way for.
I have so much to look forward to, yet I have even more to look back on.

I am yours and you are mine.

Conversations with old friends/flings are always so interesting. You always go back to what happened, why, who said what, how things could have been.  As much as each person changes some things stay the same.  

I've been thinking a lot about how things could have been with different people. In some cases moving too fast, in others too slow.  Friends zone vs. strictly hook up.  It's so weird. There's no one right way to do things. 

In other words, thinking too much about things that a. don't matter anymore and b. nothing can be done about.

More so, wasting my thoughts.

The same things I think I do wrong at times that drives them away, other times I wish I had done to make them stay.

I still don't know what to think about anything.

Blast or bust. Guess I'll have to wait and see.

Dreaming is my all the time

I had the funniest dream last. I've decided to write it in here.

I was at Meijer with my mom and she kept asking me what I needed to get and the only thing I wanted was a new loofa.  Then Courtney was there and she needed to check out, so while she was checking out I was just wandering around when I bumped into Joel Madden, a Meijer employee.  Then he started talking to me and we both going through the CD rack and came across the NFG album and I told him he should come to the show.  Then he and I were walking around and his shift ended and he went to go get his jacket to leave.  I met back up with Court and told her what happened and she got very, very upset.  Cassie's mom was there and Courtney was yelling at her being like "You haven't met him! You have to go meet him!"  And that's as much of it as I can remember.

LOL